Deep Inside My Thoughts

I had this great idea that I’d get a 2nd job at Pizza Hut, make some cash, and kill time in the process.   I had it all planned out, that I’d just use some spare from driving for day-to-day expenses, and I’d free up a few hundred dollars a month to play with, with just a few hours work.  Turns out, we’re in a terrible economic time, and people aren’t tipping like they used to.  I pretty much figured as much, but I wanted to give it a few days to see how things really are.

I worked four hours tonight, took 15 orders, and only made $25.  That’s including $13 for deliveries, so I made a whopping $12 in tips.  Back when I was doing this full time,  and things were better with the economy, I would have made $60 at a minimum.  That job just isn’t worth for $12 in tips, and I’m giving it three more days of working to improve before I stop.  I think that’s enough to get a pulse on things, even risking there being a ‘slow week’ there.

It was weird, and stressful going back there actually.  Even throwing away the lack of tips, the store runs a little better, but still there’s little things that stressed me out.  Pizzas not being made, waiting on wings; it seems like the same old bullshit, and eats up a significant part of my time.  I went there to make money, and not stay inside.

I don’t think I’ll be there in a few more days, and maybe it’s for the best.  I’m sure there’s other ways I could make some side money putting in 10-15 hours or so a week.  Hell, I could EBay a niche market, and probably make significantly more than I did tonight per hour.  I’ve talked about that for a while, so maybe I will finally get off my ass and attempt that.

The problem with Ebay is that everyone takes their cut.   The products I sell are marked up by the wholesaler.  Ebay takes a percentage when the auction sells, and a fee in addition for posting.   Finally, Paypal takes a few percent off the top for handling the transaction.  These little small fee’s add up quickly, and before you know it, the razor-thin margin you were selling on is evaporated.  If I wasn’t careful, I could l lose money before all is said and done.

Still, 15 hours of Ebay is a lot, and I wonder if I found a sweet spot on price, how much I could carve out of it.  It wouldn’t have to be very much, but as long as I kept steady sales, I think I would be fine.  Plus, it would give me something to do with my off time, which I desperately need at the moment.  As it goes, I’m just playing games, and that isn’t the way to live anymore.  I want to invest my time in something that will reward me, and not just with stupid graphics on a screen.

It’s been a week since my dad’s been out here.  It was nice seeing him again, and it was a damn quick two days.  In retrospect, I probably should have had him come out for a little more than 2 days, maybe three, but I didn’t know if I could have taken the time of work.  Knowing what I do now, I probably wouldn’t have.

The first day he was here, we lounged around pretty much.  All three of us (Him, Danyale and I) went to see “Stop Loss” at the movies.  I was surprised when I saw it was an MTV Film, but it was enjoyable none-the-less.  Their movies have certainly come to age since “Varsity Blue’s” and it was a surprising quasi-complicated film about a serious issue.

The second day was even more casual than the first.  We ended up heading down to Lawrence,  and stopping to eat at the Applebee’s there.  After a heavy lunch, we drove by the KU campus.  I’ve never been by it, and let me say, that damn thing is massive!  It was beautiful too.  Ball State always prided itself on it’s architecture, but it has nothing on KU on landscaping.

After driving around KU, we headed out to Baldwin City to something I saw when I was driving around before, something called the Old Castle Museum.  Not really thinking too much about it, we decided to head down there.  Now when something is called an Old Castle Museum, it brings certain thoughts to one’s head.  However, actually seeing the damn thing—essentially an over-sized three-story house, was disappointing.  At least I got a picture of myself in front of the damn thing.  Hell, it was even closed the day we went.

After that disappointing screw up, we headed to the Battle of Blackjack, which is essentially a marker, and about it.  There was a neat sign up, along with a small shelter house, but there wasn’t too much to see.  Danyale took some more pictures of everything, and we made the short drive back to Topeka listening to her sleep and snore the entire way there.

I had to stop by work real quick because I got a call earlier that day that Kent got fired.  I went in and talked to Gene about things, and turns out Kent wasn’t just forging critical counts and inventory, he was outright stealing.   When I called Kent to ask what happened, he kept just crying and crying, and saying he lost his job.  Usually I would have sympathy for someone, but for a thief I simply lack the ability to care.  Besides, turns out he told Dan (our new Area Manager) it was ME stealing to try to absolve his guilt.  Dan didn’t believe him, but at work, we’re on a much tighter leash now.  I suppose it’s a good thing, but I generally trust everyone I work with right now.  We haven’t had a problem with money in the last few days, and people are much, much happier that Kent is gone.

I’m happy he’s gone too, but I’m not happy I had to pick up hours.  Like I said, I turned in my notice a week ago, and effectively, it’s off.  I told Dan I’d stay for awhile, to see if things improve, and we’re supposed to have a meeting about a possible pay raise this week.  I’ve worked 57 hours so far this week, and still have ten more to go tomorrow.  I’m tired, and I’m exhausted.  Next week, I’m only penciled in for 69 hours, but I might be able to take a day off if we steal a manager or two from another store.  Otherwise, I’ll be working non-stop without a day off for a long ass time.   That starts to take a toll on people.

I was frustrated a week ago about work and everything else, and I’m still about the same.   I might be just a wee bit more optimistic right now, but I know I want something different from my life, and managing a pizza store isn’t going to cut it.  I need to make a damn change, and do something so I can be happy again.  I was so damn euphoric when I moved out to Kansas, and besides being with Danyale, that euphoria has worn off.  I don’t know if I need to just get out of Kansas or just find something to make a career out of here, but I know I need to make a change.

It’s almost 6 am, and I have to be at work in 8 hours.  I’ll sleep for five or so, and get up.  That’s all the sleep I’ve been running on in the last week or so, and it’s hard to do so.  It used to be that on my day’s off, I’d sleep in for about ten or twelve hours, and catch up on some neglected sleep.  It’s a shame I don’t have that opportunity anymore, because I’m in a much better mood when I do so.

Danyale’s been having problems with me working so many hours.  I told her next day off I get, we could head to the zoo that she’s been trying to drag me to for over a year, and I think that would make her happy.  It’s not quite the Indianapolis Zoo, but she seems to want to go see it, and I want to make her happy.  Besides, playing the dumb tourist and relaxing in town doesn’t seem too bad all of a sudden.

I just need more free time.

I need a life again.

I quit my job last week.  Or rather, I turned in my notice and was content to wait out my two weeks in bliss, my spirits risen that I was getting out.  I guess it isn’t that easy to leave.

Kent got fired today while my dad was down.  I took the news seriously at first, maybe a little giddy at first because of his termination.   Those thoughts soon gave way to other serious ones, like my work week just increased by a third.  The second thought was, Gene is going to be fucked over badly.  And the third was, I’m going to have to stay so that doesn’t happen.

I don’t know why I would, or rather, am staying.  I’m not really happy here at the moment.  Everyday I work there stresses me out more and more, and for the hours I work, the pay isn’t that great.   It always ends up that I do what I do for the people I work with.  So because I feel such camaraderie with the people I work with, I’ll stay for now.  I’ll give it my best, and go to work, and do what I need to do.  I won’t be happy about it, I won’t be content, but I’ll get things done.

There’s a breath of fresh air in the termination of a manager.   I felt better when I heard he was gone, and I know other people will too.  The question that remains is simple: how will him being gone drive people?  Will they be happier that an unpopular manager is gone?  Or will they just give up, and not work as hard.  It will be tough to inspire and motivate the team from here on.  I just wonder if Gene and I are up to it.

This entire week has been absolutely terrible and pathetic.

Friday night, Danyale hit a pot hole or something, and damaged the car.  She doesn’t remember anything, but judging by the damage to the wheel, and the fact the tie rod broke Sunday, it did a lot of damage.  I had to turn the damn thing in for an insurance claim, and it won’t even be done for another 5 days.  So I’ll have been without a car for about a week.  I can handle the car being in the shop, I can handle Danyale damaging it, but I can’t handle being helpless and having to depend on others to ferry me around.

Saturday was typical at work, except for the fact that we came up $150 short on one drawer.  We had a borrowed CSR from another store and Me on the drawer.  I didn’t steal $150, and although I’m not accusing, the fact that it’s missing is major bullshit.  I spoke to Dan (our new Area Manager) about it missing Monday, and pointed out that money tends to disappear and reappear.  Being short that much on cash didn’t really make me feel too much better about my job that day either.

On Sunday, I woke up to Danyale seizing laying next to me.   In about the course of thirty minutes she had three separate seizures, all three pretty bad.  She also couldn’t talk because I think she had her hand close to her neck when she was sleeping and strangled herself.   Immediately, we went to the hospital, and I called work, letting Kent know where I was going.  He was overly pissed off, which put me in a shitty mood.  A couple of weeks before this, he asked a CSR which was more important, work or family.  She picked family, and thus was fired.   I would pick those I care about over any job.  I remember him still asking her that, and I’ll be damned if I wasn’t going to be with Danyale.

Hours went by, and we were still in the ER.  Kent was bitching up a storm, saying he had a date, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him, so we got into it again.  Eventually, he texted Dan, and I had to call him.  I kind of went off on Dan, especially when he said I was bringing the restaurant down by being with Danyale, and not being at work.  I politely told him to fuck off.   Danyale started speaking again, and Sunday concluded with the aforementioned tie rod snapping trying to leave the parking lot of the hospital, dooming any chances of going to work that night.

Monday, I had a meeting with Dan.  I talked about a lot of things with him—money issues, issues with management and leadership.  I was really prepared to give my notice that day, but Dan, to his credit, talked me out of it.  I came away from that meeting feeling a little better, but still resolved to find a new job, as I’m not really too happy at Pizza Hut right now.

I don’t think I’ll be there too much longer.  I’ve been poking around online, looking at places to apply, but not having a car seriously impacts my job hunting ability.  My dad comes into town next week on my days off, so I won’t have time to poke around then either.  But I really want something else right now.  I really need something else—without the stress, the hours, and the quasi-meager pay.  Being salaried is nice and all, but I really do get screwed out on pay…

Tuesday was one of my days off—the only two days I really look forward to in any given week.  So instead of spending my free time playing aimlessly on World of Warcraft this week, I had to go a stupid High Impact Coaching Class.

The idea of High Impact Coaching, transforming managers into better leaders, is quite a sound idea.  However, leadership qualities can’t be taught in an eight hour class, and when you cram a 2-day class into one, it loses a lot of it’s impact.   I was interested at the start, but after 5 hours of watching the same video over and over again, it lost a lot of it’s attention grabbing qualities.

The highlight of the day was lunch.  Previous HIC classes have had steak, nice restaurants, and what not; but we only had the restaurant at the Holiday Inn.  Of course, the company picked up the tab for all of us, but the Ruben sandwhich I had wasn’t too good, and everyone’s fries were cold.  We all ended up having to chip in to buy $7 pots of mediocre coffee to keep awake also.

I was so damn tired that after I got home from that class, I fell asleep for a good six hours, waking up to a text-message at 11pm, and throughly throwing off my sleep schedule.  I was so tired today when I got home too, but I’ve forced myself to stay up to 3am or so so I can get my 8 hours of sleep and get back to my ‘normal’ schedule.

I need out.

Kansas, just like Indiana has become boring, and I’m becoming uneasy and restless here.  As much as I just want to get up and leave, I have no idea where to go.  Would I go back to Indiana?  Should I head west?  Where would I end up?

Work is continually frustrating, and the next month should be pretty damn interesting.  I’m still not getting paid for the job I’m doing, and supposedly have a meeting next week to correct that.  But, I’m willing the wager that retro-active pay will be damn hard to get.  Gene’s getting frustrated too, and I told him I’d cover him for a weekend so he can spend time with his dad in Texas when he goes in for surgery.  So I’m looking at probably 70 hours that week, and Kent’s talking about taking four days off himself during his kid’s spring break.

My dad should be down sometime in March, so it should be interesting trying to juggle schedules with work to try to get time to spend with him.  I’m running out of ideas of what to do in Kansas though, so I need to investigate things to do with him.   According to one of my guys at work, there’s supposedly drag races on Saturdays at the local race park, and thats something I think my dad would get into.  Besides, it would be fun watching one of my drivers race his Supra full-throttle.

Beyond work, I still have World of Warcraft to occupy my time.  Lately, it’s been my only source of relaxation.   I’ve been raiding almost everyday, and it feels good to be part of a team again.  Back in my Everquest day’s, I used to raid for 8 hours at a time, and it’s a tad bit more casual now.  I can’t make that commitment to staying up all night when I have to wake up at 7am for school anymore.  I make sure I get My six hours of sleep at a minimum so I can at least pretend to be happy with things at work.

Off to Azeroth to slay another dragon.

I talked to my dad today for probably forty minutes, which a rarity these days.  Usually I only call him while on the way to work, and we’ll chit chat for the twelve minutes it takes to drive from my house to work.   I miss talking to him sometimes, and it’s nice once in a while to blow some time, and  just yak to him.

We talked a little bit about work, and I mentioned there was an area manger in my store that I didn’t know, looking around,and filling out some paperwork.  It turns out that Josh, the regular area coach, was busy delivering pizza at another store, and this chick was filling in.  Having someone at work that’s not usually there isn’t a good way to start the day, and was pretty much all the foreshadowing I needed to predict a terrible night at work again.

Tonight was marked by stupidity on the call centers fault, and a wee bit of fraud thrown in.  One run I took, we forgot to put breadsticks in the bag, so I had to run those back out there.   The next run, the guy’s girlfriend wasn’t home with cash, so I had to cancel the damn thing and reorder it, so the kid could have his thirty minutes he needed to find some cash.   The next two runs were the kicker though.  One girl at a hotel tried to give me a paper check—printed on copy paper.  It was one of those Cash Advance checks you get with your credit cards.  You know, the ones with like a 29% APR on them.   Well, the thing was ‘expired’ anyhow, plus I’m not taking a check that’s like that, and she didn’t have a real drivers license either.   So I walked away with $50 in pizza and went to my next one.   This chick at another hotel said she paid with a card, and when I called the call center, and actually ran her card, we found out it was declined for $28.

Four runs in a row. Four terrible, worthless, waste-of-my-time runs in a row.  On those four people I probably pissed away about an hour and a half of my time.  Maybe even more if you count the time spent on hold calling the Police, and having them not care about attempted fraud.  Oh well, I suppose there’s bigger crimes happening out there in Topeka tonight.  Crimes like—well, speeding.  I imagine speeding tickets pay more to the city than fines for white collar crimes would.  In the end, I suppose all government bodies need and want to feed themselves.

It just irks me sometimes that it’s such a crap shoot at work.  Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes I bust my ass and make massive money, and other times I work myself sick and come home with nothing.

I wanted to work at this store though.  I really do believe my store is the best one in the city, and in fact, we just passed a million dollar in sales about 13 hours ago (thereabouts).  For any pizza place, seven figure income looks pretty damn good.  I like the people there too, and wouldn’t trade my crew for the world.

My contentment is best as a driver still.  Those days when I actually manage, I have fun at work, but I don’t make the same amount of money as I do playing manager and still delivering.   The damn truck schedules got changed during this last period due to new contract biddings, so I had to give up my Sunday mornings so I don’t have to deal with inventory.  I opted instead to work late night Sunday, and really only have to ‘manage’ for about two hours or so.

It’s funny thinking as yourself as a manger, when you’re actually one for two hours a week.  It was worth the extra dollar or so they pay me per hour, but I hate having so many keys on my damn key fob.  Why do we need so many keys for everything?  Hell, there’s things at work we don’t even have keys for.   Usually, we have to have one of the more streetwise cooks break into our paper towel holders simply because we’ve lost the keys to those.  Quite ironic some people who might have been thieves or burglers in the past, are now the ones we turn to unlock our locks.

Even though work might have been terrible tonight, I always hold out some stupid hope that tomorrow will be better, and more lucrative.  I feel sometimes like Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap in the fact that the next day might be the one to make me happier, and put another wad of cash into my pocket.  By the way, how long did they stretch that show before he actually got home?

I was looking forward to the 21st, which would have been my last day as a manager, but now I’ve agreed to wait until September 3rd to step down, just so Kent can visit his kid in Iowa.  I suppose it’s only an additional two weeks, but I was really looking forward to just driving and making money.   Screw being management at Pizza Hut, it’s not worth it.   So I have two more weeks and I’m done for good, and no more favors for anyone after that.

In exchange for  doing this, I’m getting September 7th to the 9th off.  My dad’s  coming out for the weekend, and it will be nice to see him for a few days.  I wonder what we’ll do to pass the time is this cursed state?  Last time we went to a airplane museum, which was interesting, but I can’t think of anything else to do around Topeka at all.  I suppose we’ll watch a movie, but I didn’t see anything coming out that week that I’d like to see.  So what happens, I guess we’ll just have to play that by ear.

Danyale and I have been fighting more and more lately, and it’s just adding on to my general stress level.  I don’t know quite whats wrong with her, but after her recent blog entry, I think things will continue to get a little worse before they get a little better.  It’s ironic that someone I have known for so long, and loved talking to on the phone, is having trouble with me living together.

I think part of it has to do with her actually having to have money to buy things.  When she graduated college, I supported her for almost two months while she was searching for a job.  Now that she has one, she’s paying her fair share of things, like rent and food.   For the last few weeks she’s been paying Me a little more though, to make up for some things she needed like a cell phone.  She starts out the week fine, but immediately goes out and buys things.  She bought a purse last week, and some new clothes the week before that.   I wouldn’t have a problem with this usually, but come Friday or Saturday, she’s broke and I’m shelling out money to pay for her food and whatever else she needs.   I just wish someone could shell some cash out for me, because, some days I’ll come home with $100  in my pocket, and only have $30 left the next day.

Another reason I think is how small this apartment is.  There’s no where to go to get away from each other.  But, in order to move into a new apartment, that requires money saved up for a deposit and the other fee’s required in moving.  Right now, I’m in no position to save that much cash myself.  So we need to either change our lifestyle habbits—eat at home more, and spend less; or we need to resign ourselves to living here.  I’m guilty of eating out a lot more than I really need to, and I probably spend at least $200 a month on eating out just by myself.  If I could trim that down to $150 or so eating at home, it’d go a long way in helping me out in the long run.

Hopefully after I get things with work settled, everything around here will improve, and I’ll be much happier.  I’ve thought a lot about going back to school, and perhaps even changing my major to something like finance.  Over the last few months, I’ve been reading quite a lot about it in general, and I think it might be something I would enjoy doing the rest of my life.  In fact, it’s probably the primary reason I bitch about money right now.  I want to get my debt’s paid off, and start saving up for something.  I want to be able to toss some money into a mutual fund, or just go out and buy some new toy for cash, and it’s killing me that I can’t!   I need to do something about that.

I’m so sick of work. I’m still not getting paid my manager pay, so I’m basically closing for what hourly rate I do now. And I realized something tonight: it’s not worth it at all. I’m better off driving. I make more money, I’m happier, and I just don’t get pissed off when things go bad at work. So I’m done. I’m not going to do the management thing anymore. I’m not going to work for a company for peanuts. I’m not going to be the savior with the assistant manager quits in a week. It’s not my job anymore.

There’s a reason why the turnover on managers is so bad at work. They just don’t pay enough to make up for the stress. I mean hell, we paid our shifts starting out at a dollar more per hour, and then another dollar raise after six months. Even at just a dollar more per hour, thats an extra $2,000 in someone’s pocket. At $9 per hour, thats an extra $4,000.

So I’m done. Tomorrow, I’m going to go in a tell Kent it’s off. I’m looking for a new job too. Hell, maybe I’ll deliver pizzas at night, and work somewhere else during the day. I don’t know anymore. But I know, I’m twenty-three-fucking years old, and I have nothing to show for it. It’s time to bust ass and get in gear. And my future doesn’t lie with making pizzas. I have something better planned.

It’s time to get back in school, get my ass straightened out, and grind. It’s time to become something. It’s time to change.

I have a meeting Monday with Josh Wolffe to finally get certified as a Shift Leader. It should mean marginally better pay, but I’m just not feeling it. Rob, one of our Assistant Managers, will be turning his two-week notice in come Tuesday, and I fear I’ll be pressured into closing a lot more than I agreed to.

I want to do the Shift Leader thing, but I also make much more money just strictly delivering. With Rob leaving, that will leave a 45-hour+ Management void in the schedule, and the only place they’ll make some of that up is me. I know what’s coming. And, if it happens, I’m not going to be there much longer after.

They couldn’t pay me enough to work for $9 an hour for 45 hours a week, when I make more than that just working 35 hours. It wouldn’t make much sense to me, beyond a resume builder. And, I don’t think I could devote myself to this company for long enough for it to be an effective resume builder anyhow.

The coming weeks will be very interesting indeed. They will either find me hopefully a little happier at work, or they will find me with a two-week notice, after I secure another job. Once again, only time shall tell…