Deep Inside My Thoughts

I have nothing going for me right now, but I’m happy.   I’m laying alone in bed listening to Sublime, still don’t have a car, but for the first time in awhile I’m actually upbeat and happy.  That seem’s like a rarity these days, and it’s times like these I hold precious, because I’m not usually that upbeat anymore.
I went to Walmart yesterday to get some food and such, and ended up buying damn near $75 of frozen food.  It really didn’t seem like all that much when I was going shopping, but I really had to organize the freezer really well to get it all in there.  I should be good roughly 3 or possibly 4 weeks on that food, since I’m not really eating some nights because I simply come home and pass out.
It’s amazing how much money I save eating at home nightly, and that’s not something I’d do if I had a car.  I always ate out, but hell, I’m saving at least $210 a month by eating home every night.  Add in another $250 for what I’m saving on a car and insurance and I’ll be able to buy something decent in a few more weeks I think.
I never really depended on people before like I have now.  Its both refreshing and terrifying in the same thought.  I’ve gotten a renewed sense of humanity because people have gone out of their way to help me in a time of need, but I’ve also felt terrible for having to depend on others.  I’ve tried to be independent as possible, and it’s an adjustment having to get a ride to work, or go do laundry.  I’m sure I’ll be in a position to return the favor soon, and maybe I’ll do the right thing next time I find someone in one of my situations.  I stopped doing that long ago because I lost faith, and if there’s one bonus to this huge fuckup right now, it’s that I can have faith in my fellow man again.
Work is slow right now, and it sucks.  I want so badly to get out of the office, and I’m finding every excuse to get out side and do something.  I drove up to Silver Lake on Friday to check out some stationing I set up, and went south to Carbondale last week to check out the company that is doing my upcoming project.  I’m waiting on paperwork to come back on the Valley Falls job I’ve been finalizing for months now, and I’m getting really sick of that.  I’ve been working on that for three months, and there’s still like $500,000 left to be paid on that.   The slow, slow process  of the state, and even private contractors is really biting my ass.  I shouldn’t have to wait for a piece of paper to go up three levels of people for a month, just to get it back to change some small minute wording.   And then after I resubmit the damn thing, it takes another three weeks or so to get back up to whoever sent it back down in the first place.  It’s a huge pain to wait for things.
Other than that, I think I’m doing alright.  I’m taking it day-by-day and hour-by-hour.  So far, that seems to be working.  I know what I have to do, and what I need to do to get there, and I think if I just hold the course, I’ll end up there.   The only variable is just how much time it will take to get to that point, and right now, I have all the time in the world.