Deep Inside My Thoughts

Sleep.  That’s the defining aspect of this weekend.  All I’ve done is slept.

I screwed up my toe late Thursday, and took the day off because I was hobbling around.    I slept most of the day until I had to go to the doctors, then came home, and slept more.  I don’t know why I’m so tired of all sudden, there’s not too much stress at work, but I suppose I could be getting sick again.  I was really sick a few weeks ago, and spent the entire weekend in bed too.

But I doubt I’m getting too sick.  It probably just boils back to the discontentment I’m feeling with everything right now.  My food doesn’t taste as sweet, the sun not as bright; yet, I don’t think its full-blown depression.    I’ve always had this rather funny way of looking at things, a way that makes me view things different than another person.

Truth be told, I’m still not content with anything in my life.  I thought I’d be further than I really am, and have accomplished more.  Kansas has begun to bore me even more than usual, and almost every day I think about getting up and leaving.  But, I have no place to go.  I have no other purpose right now than to carry on with the motions of what I do now.

Work’s still interesting, but I really can’t wait for summer to come.  I can’t wait to actually do more work, and learn new things, and get out of the office more.  I’m getting tired and frustrated of trying to final out a job that everyone dropped the ball on years ago, and now we’ve decided to move our office around, and that diminishes what I can do as well.

I still have the same dreams I’ve had for years of just going away to some place more exciting.  Those very dreams that pushed me to Kansas, now call for me to get up again, and I know I can’t answer their call at the moment.

I enjoy just getting out of Topeka though, hoping in my car and just heading somewhere.  I feel more relaxed when I’m driving around aimlessly.   A few weeks ago, that nomadic spirit took me to Wichita, and then to Salina, and finally home.  I looked at Boeing, got lost in downtown Wichita, and had pancakes in Salina.  That was fun to me, and it helped a lot.

Maybe tomorrow will bring another adventure.  Maybe I’ll wake up and just get out of town.  Kansas City sounds about right to me, and I’d love to go to the Riverwalk where we ended up when my dad was out here.    I really haven’t been out to KC since then, and it’d be fun to go back.

Knowing my luck, I’ll sleep in far too long to make use of anything tomorrow.