I suppose my apathy was a little overstated. It seems I still do care about Danyale. After I wrote the previous post, we made up. Thing’s were good that night, but went down hill the next. It was mostly my fault, and I’ll put it out there and say I caused this split.
Yesterday started out with us going to see Stephanie, who was in the hospital for some unexplained reason. Initially, we decided we were going to go swimming, so we wore swimming clothes underneath our street clothes. Well after spending about an hour at the hospital, I decided I didn’t want to go swim with her nieces, and we headed home. She ended up taking the car to her sister Robin’s, and swam for a while and ended falling asleep there.
Hours pass by, and I’m starting to get hungry. I call her at 6 pm, and she’s still sleeping. I call her again at 8, and she’s with Michael, some 17 year old punk kid she’s been hanging around. She’s giving him a ride home. I don’t really like the kid first off, and secondly, I don’t like her giving rides to her friends and them not chipping in for gas. Hell, with this kid, I don’t even want her giving him a ride. Anyhow, I get a little excited, being pissed and all, and slip out a ‘bitch’. I caught myself right after I said it, but she did too. Instantly, she said it was over. So it’s over.
We hang up and I call Verizon, and get her phone disconnected three minutes after the words were said. She comes home crying, and all I could do in the mean time was throw some of her clothes in a basket for her. I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t cry, I didn’t want to speak to her. I deleted her off my myspace, my cell phone, and hell, even my yahoo.
Despite her crying, I didn’t feel anything til I went to bed. As a lay there, this massive overwhelming sense of dread and sorrow came over me, and I sat there for thirty minutes just contemplating things. I don’t know why even when we break up, we still say we love each other. That doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know why I’d take her back tomorrow if she asked. I’ve bitched so much about our relationship, but I’d be willing to take it back if only she would ask.
I wish I knew why i was the way I am. I wishi I knew why even though I was unhappy sometimes, her god damn smile could liven up my day. I wish i knew how I let someone get that close to me—shared with her things I’ve never told another living soul, and let her walk away. I have my own issues, I know this. I have my own demons that haunt me just as she has hers. Would it have worked out? Will it work out? Is this just another temporary breakup like before, or is this the real thing?
I have to consider this the final act, at least for the time being.
Hey – I love you and miss you. Give yourself a hug for me?? B-day card coming soon – got stamps! Sorry to read this latest post- be patient – you are moving along again and you have so much to give – love is gonna grab you hard one day and never let go. Be gentle with each other and YOURSELF! Enjoy your new job – this one may let your brain play again – you would enjoy that!
Hate to “bug” you, but thought you may enjoy reading about this:
June 30, 2008
Spy Bugs: The next generation of surveillance?
Posted: 02:18 PM ET
The technology has been around for years to control animals’ movements by implanting electrodes into their brains. The concept is tried and true on things from rats to sharks. At one point it was proven that rats could be used to help on search and rescue missions by adding a backpack camera to the equation. Larger animals can handle heavier equipment, but if placed in a sensitive situation, they could be easily detected. The Defense Advance Research Projects Agency (DARPA) is looking for a solution.
DARPA is continuing to harness natural animal motor skills in combination with artificial control systems, but is now looking into using smaller test subjects. The Hybrid Insect Micro-Electro-Mechanical Systems (HI-MEMS) project is how DARPA plans to achieve this. The premise is to take a small, ordinary organism and transform it into a robot of sorts. By using insects, DARPA hopes to be able to hold greater control over a final destination, while at the same time utilizing the insects’ natural fluid movements. The trick will be making control mechanisms and other equipment small and light enough for the insects to be able to handle them. The ability to guide the insects to a location with precision could allow them to accomplish tasks deemed too dangerous for humans. DARPA says on its web site that insects could be outfitted with sensors capable of transmitting information about air quality, or even devices to transmit sound. The insects could get close enough to a target to relay data otherwise unavailable. The proverbial “fly on the wall” might actually turn out to be a fly on the wall.
Researchers have come up with a way to implant tiny controlling devices into a moth during its early developmental stages. The moth then matures around the implants, becoming one with the devices. With the implants in place, researchers can then begin the controlled movement process. Techniques to control movement could include direct muscle stimulation or neural stimulation that would tell the insect which muscles to move. GPS and ultrasonic signals are some of the technologies being investigated to guide insects to their destinations.
HI-MEMS is a long way off from being ready to throw the robo-insects into mainstream use. Technology issues, costs, and environmental hazards have to be sorted out before the insects will be ready to go out in the field. Until then, spy bugs may be a thing of the future, but the technology coming out of the project is in the now.
Katie Glaeser, CNN
Filed under: robotics • science