Roller Coaster of Love
May 23rd, 2008 by Bobosan
It seems that I’ve been more depressed lately. Danyale’s been saying I’ve been in a terrible mood these last couple of weeks. And I know personally, I’ve felt run down and tired too. I’m not sleeping well, and I’m skipping meals because I simply don’t feel like eating. I’m down to just less than 210 pounds, which is a lot I’ve lost in six months or so. That’d be all fine and dandy in of itself, but I’m not really trying to lose weight.
I just feel like there’s this tremendous stress bearing down on me between work and home. At work, I’m leaving in six days, but I’m still stressed by the team I’m forced to lead and how ineffective they really are. I’ve given up hope at work, and really stopped caring about things. I go there, and I smoke most of the night, because I simply don’t care.
When I get home, I get on World of Warcraft and just zone out. Its not like I’m having too much fun with it anymore, I just get on for something to do. There’s not very much Danyale and I can do besides watch movies or cuddle, and sometimes both of those get quite old.
Speaking of her, we’ve been fighting again, almost daily. I suppose it’s mostly my fault, but it doesn’t help my general stress level to come home to us both yelling at each other. We make up an hour later, but at the time, I get so pissed and stressed I just want to get away. And I can’t do that in a studio apartment with gas at $4 per gallon. So I’m forced to just retreat to the computer again, and delve into a fantasy world.
I don’t know if I should talk to someone or just wait out things like I usually do. I think the new job might make me happier, and once that starts I think things might just get better with me, and then better at home.
So I’m left with really one option: stick it out like I always do. It might not be the smartest, or even the thing I’d tell someone else to do, but it’s comfortable to me. I always just wait, and in a few weeks I feel better. But it’s always a hell of a ride waiting for that upturn, and all I can do is hope things get better sooner rather than later.