Deep Inside My Thoughts

It’s been more ups and downs with Danyale.  She came over Thursday night and we had a blast, just laying in bed and talking.  Everything was so damn affectionate.  It seemed like a dream, and it might have been too good to be true.  We apologized for the way we acted earlier, and for the first time in awhile, everything almost felt alright in the world.

She had to go to sleep, and I still had to stay up and do some stuff for work, so I lugged the laptop over to the desk, and started writing action plans for work.  I waited until the last possible moment to do so, so it took me a few hours to get everything done and filled out how I wanted it.  By the time I crawled into bed, it was probably six in the morning.

Despite how we’ve ever fought, Danyale always has held me tight when we’re in bed.  I drifted off to sleep a lot quicker than usual, probably due to the combination of exhaustion and having someone I cared about lying next to me.

When I woke, things went downhill from there.  Danyale wanted to borrow the laptop, and I told her no, because I still had work I had to do on it, and I’ve been using my laptop to lie in bed and surf at night.  She can never take no for an answer of any kind, and things epically got blew out of proportion.  We both ended up antagonizing the other, and objects started flying.  She threw her wax hand in the ASL shape of “I love you” against the wall and shattered it.  She started  crying when I went over to pick it up.  By now, I was pretty damn indifferent, and was lacking in emotion.

I told her it was over yet again, and she wasn’t welcome here.  She refused to get up and I was going to be late for work, so I just took off.  I got out to my car, put all my bags in it, and turned around to go back in, and she was waiting for me in the stairwell inside.  She packed her belongings she brought over, and we started driving to her sisters.

Not really too much was said during the car ride.  The silence was almost deafening. When she got out of the car at her sister’s, she turned around and told me she loved me, but all I could do was drive off.  I do love her though, but I’m becoming sick of everything.  I hate fighting, but I love when we’re together just hanging out, watching a movie, or whatever.  I want to have all the positive, and none of the negative.