Love Is A Loser’s Game

    I got a text from work today, saying Danyale had called there looking for me.  Despite my better judgment, I decided to call her back and talk to her.  She seems to still be up in the air if she’s doing the right thing or not, and seems pretty upset even a few days later.  The reason she called was she wouldn’t be over here today to pick up her stuff.  According to her, she can get it Monday or Tuesday.  Personally, I think her parents got the best of her, and she’s listening to them.  I think she’s trying to put off the act of moving out of my house, and it’s not something she’s really looking forward to.

I spent most of last night relaxing playing WOW, cleaning, and packing up some of her stuff.  I really haven’t felt too sad about this whole situation oddly enough.  About 20 days ago we had a fight and she spent a few days at her sisters.  On New Years Eve she returned with a apology card in tow.  Like all the times before, all was forgiven.

But, returning to the phone call.  She seemed upset that I wouldn’t give her my new cell phone number and that I still had her cell phone turned off.  If we’re broken up, things must have been bad between us, and if things were that bad, I don’t want her to have my number.  However, like before when we broke up, she still says she loves me.  Love is fine and dandy, until other people get involved.  Right now, Danyale needs to learn that her decisions have consequences, and those involve having her cell phone disconnected on my plan, and lack of communication towards me.

She really confuses me sometimes.  A few nights ago she was talking about marriage and children, and then all things went to hell.  I’ve given up on attempting to find any logic in her actions, and instead attribute most of them to mood swings.  I don’t have an answer to the question of if I can have someone who’s mood swings impact me so greatly in my life.  Like her, I still feel love; but also, this ‘breakup’, I feel betrayed.

I haven’t felt really bad about anything so far.  I give her passing thoughts while I’m at work, but I can sleep.  Man, when we broke up the first time I couldn’t sleep for days.  Now, it’s a deep, blissful sleep.  I wonder if that means anything?  Perhaps I’ve prepared myself for this?  I wonder how she’s sleeping.

With Danyale out of my life, all I have left here is work.  Tomorrow will be a long day. Hell, the next couple of weeks at work should be pretty damn busy, and that should distract me enough.  I just need to stay busy and focused on tasks, and I’ll remain completely fine.  I told the girl before I could live without her, that I was taking her back because life was simply more enjoyable with her around, and these last couple of days have proven that fact.  I don’t need her to live, but damn if it doesn’t make me smile a lot more when I wake up next to her.