Deep Inside My Thoughts

…And the transmission dies in the car.   This is it kids, I’m royally fucked now!  Ever try delivering pizzas when you can’t reverse in a car?  Do you know how much of a bitch it is to only go forward for 8 hours?  Do you know how hard it is?  I do…I did it today!  And I have no choice to not do it.   If I don’t have a car, I can’t deliver.   And if I can’t drive, I surely can’t be a manager and take deposits to the bank can I?  So, basically I’m FUCKED.  I have no idea what to do this time.   Last week it was my starter that died.   I’d kill for it to only be a starter this week.

Transmissions aren’t cheap at all.   I suppose it could cost anywhere from $900 to $1500 to rebuild the damn thing, and that’s $900 I just don’t have.  I feel so damn cursed right now.   Why do cars and I not get along?  More importantly, what do I do now?  I’m truly alone and off the reservation on this one.   I suppose the only option I have is to sell the car for what it’s worth, and get some cheap ass $1000 car on a loan.   Hopefully I can pay off my current loan with Home Federal if I sell this car for junk.   I’d hate to have to pay two car loans and still drive a damn junkie.

With the death of my much-hated Saturn, I have truly given up.   Ever since I moved out here, things have gone wrong, and I’ve faced them with a smile and have got through them.  This isn’t one of them.   All I have right now is Danyale.   Even then, I just want to curl up into a fetal position and just cry about my luck.   If I could only cry…  But, I can’t.   I’m shut down.   It’s all over now.  I’m tapped out financially, and I might as well start selling my own blood and semen to finance my new car.   I’m screwed.

I have no way to fix my car.   I have not the means to readily get a new one.   I am truly alone right now, and although when Danyale tells me it will be alright, I can’t believe her—because I know better.   I know that my car is junked.   I know I can’t fix it.   And, I know I’m 600 miles away from any family that could help me out.  What to do….what to do….