Deep Inside My Thoughts

Two days ago, an old friend popped up and contacted me. I was very uncomfortable, and not quite sure what to do. The friend, Elise, and I haven’t talked in seven months — the day her husband shipped home from Iraq. Now all of a sudden I get a IM and a call out of the blue. It got me wondering.

I had fun with Elise for the 9 months or so before we quit talking. But, it was really hard , for lack of a better word, dealing with it everyday. ‘It’ being a depressed cutter, sadened at the fact her husband was fighting in a far away country, and having to raise two kids alone for a year and a half. I was always a shoulder to cry on, and was very insistant that she quit cutting. Of course, she never did. So I was always there when the urge to filet herself would kick in, listening and offering advice. It never worked.

I used to worry about her all the time. I would have bad dreams, get freaked out, and call her to make sure she was alright. It was the status quo at the time. It was what I accepted that I had to do. I did enjoy doing it. In return, I had a companion who I would talk to for hours a day. I was happy.

But, seven months later, after learning her husband was shipping home, and never talking again, she’s returned. And why? Because her husband shipped off again. This time, I really don’t have any interest in even talking to her. I have too much on my plate right now, and I don’t need that kind of a friend.

If she IMs or calls, I might talk to her, otherwise, she’s on her own, and I don’t give a shit anymore.

There you go Shane. You remember this journal address from last year?