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by Bobosan on Sep.06, 2005, under Main
I return to Pennyslyvainia on the 16th to actually have the service for my grandmother. The one a few weeks ago was merely a memorial service, this one is the funeral—the one where they scatter her ashes. I’m glad I get to go, and I’m glad the family got to work around my schedule, and pick a weekend to scatter her ashes so I could go.
Over the past few weeks, I really haven’t thought about her death. I suppose it’s the Kennedy way of coping, forgetting and moving on. My father actually told me the day of her Memorial Service he taught me to be too unemotional. I got a small laugh out of that. But, generally, its true. I suppose I have two sides to me, a private side, and a public side.
The public side is always the same face, always the same cool exterorior. I’m always ‘fine’ and never have a bad day. Nothing bother’s me, I just shrug off the stuff that comes on to me. Nothing gets me down, and each day is a new day.
The private side is the one freaking out, over analyzing problems and solutions. Its the one that grimmaces and wonder’s how things are going to turn out. This is the side close friends and loved ones get to see, and its all me. The other is an act, put on to portray ideals of an older time. Both are me, but one is a lot more personal and expressive.
Does anyone remember that one show on USA called La Femme Nikita? There is one character on it, Michael, I always used to like. He had the same face on throughout the entire series. Never a smile when he was making love to Peta Wilson, or a ‘oh shit!’ when he was being shot out. He’s the one character I associated with. I liked how he played himself.