On Death.
by Bobosan on Aug.20, 2005, under Main
My grandmother is in the hospital, fading away from a pletheroa of ailments. Cancer is eating away at her from the inside out, diabeties is causing terminal blindness, and ulcers in her throat are causing a loss of both blood, and blood pressure. She sits in the hospital, sometimes lucid, and sometimes doped up on Morphine, moaning incoherently. It’s tough to sit there for hours and listen to her moan.
Eventually, we’re all destined to fade away into nothingness. The end usual comes in a cruel, painful cycle. The lucky ones (arguably) are killed instantly. Everyone else has to lay in a bed, feeling helpless as their body shuts down, waiting for death’s shadow to overcome them. How could someone sit in bed, knowing they will never leave its sheets, and just wait for the end. Do all these years of living take away the will to fight?
I could never just lay back and wait for death. I would be doing everything, and anything I could to hold onto my spark of life for just a little while longer. I don’t believe there is anything better beyond this world, and this is as good as it gets. I could never resign my life. I could never say, “Here I am Death, strike me now.” I don’t get how other people can.
What if the Christians are wrong, that god doesn’t live in the heavens above the skies, and there is no heaven period. What rationale would our elderly have to give into death then? If God doesn’t exist, and there is only the bleakness of nothingness after our death, how many people have died in vain? I’m sure there was pain involved in their deaths, but how many people believe they’re assending to heaven and just give up? How many.
I haven’t cried yet, but it is affecting me none the less. I have never really cried at a funeral, or when someone was near death. Hell, I never really cried after some one died, I suppose I mourn in my own way. It’s tough thinking about my grandmother. I haven’t been up there in a few days, but I don’t see a point to travel just to watch someone fade away. I know I won’t be much of a comfort there either. My Grandmother is one of the family members I care about, but it is pointless to sit for hours until someone’s heart stops.
Maybe I am uncarring.