The Battle of Columbus

Besides locking your cable account to prevent parental-tampering, what are some other ways you can fight for the cause?

• Oddly enough, I bought all these towels in the house. They’re from my old apartment, which was all blue. They’re going with me.
• Even more oddly enough, I bought this entire bathroom set…showercurtain and all. Ditto to above.
• Smoke with reckless abandon, a man should be able to smoke in his house
• They love watching movie really really loud. Apocalypse Now at 4am does wonders
• When a 48 year old parent attempts to parent a 20 year old. Tell them they lost a son, and move away, thus negating their attempted lesson
• Low carb muffins are vile. Elise sent me hi-carb muffins. Elise’s muffins are good. Low carb bad. They need to be thrown in the trash
• It seems parents really ‘care’. To bypass this ‘caring mechanism’ , inform them that one day you will buy out their company and RIF them
• Mindless Self Indulgence with my bass up max, makes pictures fall off walls. This is a suitable alarm clock to wake up to.
• Point out that the father couldnt hack it as a marine, and anyone with a Dishonorable Discharge shouldn’t have sired kids
• Remind your father’s girlfriend that her daughter sprayed Raid in the bathroom…repeatedly…thinking it was Air Freshener. She is trying to gas me.
• Take all the silverware you bought for college, as well as your glassware (which just happens to be 80% of the cups left unbroken)
• Before you leave, ask for boxes, and inform them it would be easier if they cooperated and provided Alan Industries boxes insted of having to buy them.
• Point out all the times your father has failed you over the years, thus being the kindle point for your resentment of him
• Trash bags make excelent wrapping for delicate things..that is coupled with Cosmo magazines and newspaper.

There we go, its a starting point. Oh, and remember to turn off the main water valve before I take off, cause it will take them hours to check it. Oh, also pull the RJ-12 and RJ-45 connectors so phone and ethernet ports dont work in the house. Oh, and got to reset the code on the garage door opener. That trips people up.

Oh well, more laundry and more packing. Update in a few hours with more whitty charm!

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