Fuck it all. I hate it all. I hate people. I hate friends. I hate enemies. I hate you all. What I cared about was a girl in Denmark. She was my friend. I stayed up all night talking to her. I smiled so much when we talked. Now, when we talk, its nothing but frowns. I cared about her so much. I remember listening to her have no life in her voice. I remember crying to cara when she was in the hospital. I remember a lot of good things. Now, I just want to break something…perferably a Civic. Its just fucking bullshit, all of it. Yeah, well I fucked up. Lotte has Leo now. I have a few people I talk to. Still, I lost her, and that pisses me off.
I defended her in front of everyone….guildmates, and former guild mates. I paid for her EQ for months because the Banc of Denmark botcotted Mastercard, I listened to her cry. I laughed with her, I bitched to her, I bled with her in EQ. Its all meaningless now. I have spent the last hour…crying. Yeah, me crying. I’m fucking depressed, she knows this. Still, whenever I talk about what was on my mind wtih her, I always got “quit whining”. So fuck it. I suck it up and move on. No more phonecards to Denmark for me. She can be bitter, and I can too. I’ve lost my faith as of tonight. Still, its gonna be hard not having her there. At least she gave me a depressing enough song to listen to while I weep.
Its over. Forever. Lotte, I do wish you the best, but fuck it if we’re gonna be angry at each other now. I wanted to fucking come to Denmark, I even started learning that god damn language. I listen to the voice when I can to pick up shit. Dont you ever say I didnt care, because I did. In the end, it doesnt matter anyways. I’ve lost you, you’ve lost me. We’ll both remember that. At least, I will. I probably sound like a major asshole right now, but I dont really think thats my intention. I guess when I get pissed off, I just cut everything . I get bitter. But, with you, I wasn’t pissed off, If I didnt want you as a friend, I wouldnt have taken an hour of typing back and forth.
Part of me wants to call Lotte up sometime. Part of me knows better. I do want her as a friend, even now. But, she’s probably gone. Just calling her would piss her off more, and thats not what I want to do. We’ll see though, in the back of my mind, I pray she’ll have a turn of heart and want to continue our friendship, but its not realistic. I guess I just have to add her to the old friend list, and move on with my life. Life sucks now. God, I didnt need this tonight.
So Lotte, I know you’ll read this. If you make it down to here, call me if you want to, I hope when we have both slept things will be better, I dont really like tossing year long friendships out. Pipe dreams alas.
var sc_project=312449;
var sc_partition=1;
