Deep Inside My Thoughts

I havent written in a few days…like a week. Not that I havent wanted to write, just have I havent had the time to write. So here we go :

Lotte invited me out from 10/8-10/15. I cant wait. I am counting the days LOL. It will be my first real trip in quite sometime,and I look forward to it. I’m so happy everytime Lotte pops on Yahoo and says “AARON!!!” like she so excited to see me. I tried to call her yesterday, but I only had 2minutes of talk time left…damn phone card, so I didnt get to hear her voice, but we talked on Yahoo for awhile. It’s so relaxed when I’m chatting with her. God, it’s nice to have a friend like her. I cant wait Lotte God, I cant wait LOL.

Recon is falling apart again. We’ll survive. I was part of the the resurection a few months ago, and I’m a vetern of one now :). We need a lot of people to get the blood pumping again, we will not die. We will be reborn…reinvent ourself and adapt. The guild always goes on :). Bossimos has been being a bitch, and us mages are going to deal with him pretty soon. The fuck gets off so easy, but I think we have a new Rod Maiden and COH Bitch. So Sayeth the Mages of Reconstructed!.

Talked a little bit with Kristina a few days ago, always like to get phone calls from her. One time she hated me so much LOL, its funny she’ll call me up out of the blue now. Guess she has 2 guys shes looking at right now, which is awesome for her. I keep reaching out to Cara to try to talk, but shes too busy with kilok. Karma is a bitch, she used to talk to me that much :P. Oh well, now im the one being ignored. Lifes goes on.

More later probably

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Well. My guild is falling apart again. Got an invite to go to Denmark, gonan take it Need to get a passport asap. More later, gotta run, got a computer call!

Hmm. I guess over the past few does I’ve felt really alone. Like, almost to the point where I have to take a deep breath, smile, and go on with whatever I’m doing. I was supposed to go up to Muncie last night, to get completely drunk for the first time in years and to have a good time. I didnt go. I didnt want to go, but now that its saturday, I kinda wish I did. I’ve been alone , in my room, bymyself for 2 weeks. I’ve been looking for a job off and on, but at tne end of the day I get no calls. I’ve gone out with Teter driving some, but I’m still bored and alone. There’s no one on to talk to right now; Julliaa logged to escape raids, Kay is working, Merely and Lazz aren’t on. No one is on. Kinda sucks, beause I end up just starring at a screen for hours. I think I might go to a movie with Teter tonight, but I probably wont. Lotte went to Copenhagen for the weekend, and told me she call me sometime this weekend. I’ve kinda been waiting by the phone if you know what I mean.

Well, off to take a nap.

I stole this from some chick.

I’m happy but I’m sad. Gotta pay my speeding ticket soon. That sucks. I’m down to a couple hundred dollars. Need to find a job. Need to unload stock and pay capital gain taxes, need to eat. I have all these things I need to do. There is one upside, Lotte is supposed to call me sometime this weekend, so I have something to look forward too :). Back to whatever I was doing…oh thats right, im staring a screen. >

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Havent really felt like writing the last few days. I tried for hours, but, I couldnt get the words out. I’ve had a lot of stress on my mind. I havent been sleeping or eating well lately. Ive been noctournal and missing raids. Cara called me a few days ago, and thats eating away at me a little bit. I mean, I used to love to just talk to her about anything. That’s changed now. I honnestly was content not talking to her. I don’t think talking to her is that much of a problem, I mean we are very close…and we both know things aboue each other no one else knows. I guess I’m afraid of just being boredom material, or someone to talk to when shes sad. I’m probably overreacting, but I would rather be no friend, than that kind of friend. She has so many friends, and now another person to give the attention she used to give to me. It doesnt bother me, I just dont want o be a friend when Justin cant talk to her. The ball is still in her court , I told her I’m not gonna contact her, if she needs me she can come looking. I’m not gonna fight for anyones attention. I’m not gonna call out of the blue, or IM her, at least for awhile. I’m not gonna set myself up to be sad, when my friend doesnt have time to talk, or doesnt try to talk. These are the bounds of our friendship now. I’m still running, I don’t mind looking back, but I’m on the defensive for now. I’m not saying I don’t want to talk to her, I’m saying I don’t want to get hurt again, and I don’t want to hurt her either.

BTW Cara, only you and me can read this.