I just ended doing 3 Adventures with Cresta and some other people. I had a blast. Really nice distraction from all the drama that has been around lately. I remember months ago when I would just push myself in Everquest so I would have something to do, its like that again. My night in a nutshell :
After Cara and I pissed each other off earlier, around 1030pm, I left to go driving with Teter. I wanted icecream, and we drove around trying to find a place, but couldnt. So we settled on Steak and Shake, and I ended up eating dinner LOL. Drove about 50 miles with Teter, just shooting the shit and relaxing. I needed that. When I came back I was in a good mood, which has been a rarity lately. Problem is when I got home, the journal entry I had posted earlier, and left while it was posting, posted 5 times, and only 1 of them was personal, as it was intended. So Cara went to my journal and read this, and it pissed her off. We went off on each other about that, and I ended up just saying I wont call you, I wont speak to you, talk to me when you get figured out.
I’ve come to the point where I dont want to try anymore with Cara. It’s not gonna be me the one that rolls out of bed to call her and talk. I honnestly am quite indifferent about it now. I didn’t want to get tossed away, like some friend relegated to obscurity, but if that happens it happens. I had happy times with Cara, and I’ll try to remember that. The ball is in her court, and I’m on the sidelines. Its not my choice anymore. I’ve stepped back, and it would be nice if we can work shit out and be like we were a week ago, but honnestly, I dont really think its gonna happen. As much as it sucks to type that, I’m not gonna be cheerful anymore. I have nothing to be cheerful about. If you want to speak, you’ll be contacting me, not me giving you attention and being at your beck and call Cara. It’s time to be strong and make a stand, and I have chosen to not do anything. Only time will tell, but thats all I will do now. Roll the dice, it goes either way.
Cara posted my conversation with her from last night / today. I guess I look kinda bad in it, but fuck, who cares. If I was still caring, I would post an equally bad conversation of her, but you know, I’m above that now.. And, I won’t let her arrows hurt me. As I said before, indifferent. So cara, if posting that makes you happy, be happy. All I wanted was your happiness , and if belittling me to your friends do that, be all means hun .
On to happier things. Been talking with Lotte when I can. Talked to her on Yahoo for a few, she wasnt feeling well because of her anti-biotics. I hope she feels better soon. Talking to her is so refreshing, because I’m smiling and laughing and just having fun again. Shes been so kind to listening to me in the last 2 months about Cara, and hopefully no more will need to be said to her about that. I gotta recharge my phone card LOL, we’ve talked for awhile. I hope we can talk on the phone again soon, because it really helps me. When I’m feeling sad, she will cheer me up. Think the first time I ever had contact with Lotte was back in Novemeber where we did LDONs together for a weekend. I’m sure glad I made a good impession on her, because if not, I wouldnt be speaking now. Its quite comforting thinking about Lotte, hope shes up later 
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I got a tell from Meagans-Ex Rob in EQ tonight asking how I was. Guess Meagan told him Cara and I were fighting. It’s good a stranger cared enough to ask me if I was alright. Me and rob had a talk a few days ago that helped a ton too. Right after he sent me that tell, I IM’d Masha to tell her I was alright. She’s been a great help too. Cara told me a few days ago Meg was pissed because of me always venting to her about Cara. But, Masha asked if I needed to vent, but I didnt really. All is fine now. . I was still glad to talk to her, because I thought she was mad at me for some reason. Oh well, maybe we can start talking about normal things again, rather than whats wrong with Cara and I right then. That would be nice.
Well, its late. I’m gonna head to bed. Seeing a movie tomorrow with Teter, and I’ll be pulling a long night on EQ to keep myself centered. So, I need sleep . Even with all the Cara bullshit, I still feel good . I hope my spirit can be this high for the next few days.
Hey BTW, I see you people coming back here that I don’t know…Meagan and Cara I can tell…but who are the rest of you?
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