So , daily cara update. It’s a joke now. I think shes evading me. I called her last night, woke up her mom, she told me to call back. Called back 10 secs later, got cara, she said she was on the phone. My phones dont ring thru on call waiting, and I’m sure californian phones dont either. So I dont know anymore. She has reason to be pissed, but shes just infuriating me again. Its a debate to even pick up the phone or contact her on yahoo. Maybe my time is up,maybe my newness has worn off. Who knows. All I know is, I want to talk to the girl who a few days ago said she was my best friend. I probably threw that away. I’m sure I did. I’m alone agian. I just want to fucking drink. Everyone has told me for the longest time, to just not talk to cara…..and I’ve never listened to them . We used to have a fun time together just talking…why cant it be like that again? 2 Months….we transitioned from being in love with each other to being friends. Now that is up in the air I think. I have my issues, but so does she….why cant see that. I’ve sat thru her tough times, I’ve been the one to call and cry, and I’m just so afraid shes walking away from me. I guess she may have had a few bad days, but my mind still wonders, why is this girl who told me she loved me once…and told me a few days ago she was my best friend, not talking to me now?
I’d like to say its something I did…and it is. I fucked up. I pissed her off. I let off so many god damn emotions that she wont let me get off. She wont let me talk about things that are bothing me when they are small…only when they are big. And this pisses us both off. I hope for fucking christ that we can suck this shit up, and go back to how we used to be. Because, I’m not gonna waste my fucking tears worrying about it, few more days of this bullshit, and she can have all the time in the wrold. No cara, this isnt threating to not talk to you, only that I’m not gonna hold up my life, while I wonder what is going on with you. I’m not gonna worry when you dont answer, or when I think you lied to me. I dont want to fucking worry about that shit. The lat 2 days have been worse then we I told you I DIDNT WANT TO TALK TO YOU and that has to change.
I dream of sweeter times.
Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster…and if you gaze into the Abyss, the Abyss gazes also into you.
I hope shit changes soon. Like in 2 hours when Cara gets home from Brookes. I’ll be here with the phone but I dont expect anything. I shouldnt at least, but you know I will. >
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