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by Bobosan on Jun.28, 2004, under Main
I still have feelings for cara. I still love her deep down. I still have answers I need to know, but I can’t ask. I still feel so attracted to cara, even though by every means I probably should feel put off. We seldom talk as much anymore. I can’t even talk to her in game really. I feel put off.
I remember the girl who told me her face hurt because she smiled so much when we talked. I remember a girl I could talk to for hours about nothing. I remember someone who would listen to me, and actually listen to my problems. I remember someone who said they loved me. Cara said she was ” begining to get caught in the trap i had just free’d myself of”. I guess she means Greg and LDRs. It’s sad to me that she didn’t want to be together, just because of the distance. I think its a god damn shame. Hell, it still eats at my soul daily that cara wanted someone else.
I Dont say I love you very easily. When I told cara I loved her, she said she understood that and had to keep her feelings in check. She felt the same way, but she wouldn’t let herself fall. Cara tought me to go with how my heart feels, but it’s sad she couldn’t do the same. I guess using excuses like ‘neither of us can move on a whim’ and other things work for you. I still listen to my heart, and I will from now on. I remember when you used to call me beau. I remember when you used to open your heart and soul to me and tell me everything. Now, you are shielded from me . You gave me everything you had one day, and the next you didnt. You gave me all these dobuts in my head about myself. And at the end of it, I still love you.
I guess this isnt easy to read cara. I will always care for you. But you aren’t returning how I care, and that does hurt. One day, when this continues eating away from me, I’ll be able to tell you I don’t love you anymore. I don’t really want that to happen, but one day, I think it will if shit goes on. And THAT babe, makes me sad, because I will switch from thinking you’re the best thing on earth to being bitter towards you.
Well time to dry my tears and head to work. I hope we can talk tonight on phone.