It’s better now. I talked to cara last night for a few hours. I laughed, I cried, and I realized I had a really awesome friend. I’m not so crushed anymore. It’s going to be hard hearing her talk about another guy, but I told her I want to hear it, and I do. I will always feel the same about Cara, and I think she knows that. I don’t want to loose her friendship, and I want her to be happy. And you know what, she’ll be happier with someone she can see. And I really want her to be happy, and I really want her not to worry about me.
I want to continue talking to cara like we used to, as much as we can, when we can. I think for the moment that is gonna work out, but when she gets more involved, I don’t know what to expect. If some guy was calling my grirlfriend for hours and hours, I guess I would be a little pissed off at that, and thats what I’m fearing may happen. I’m not sure it would though, Cara is a really, well , caring person, and I dont think she would do that to me intentioanlly. Its in the back of my mind though, and I guess it will be for awhile. I know nothing has really changed, I knew how cara felt about me, and I kinda overreacted to what she was saying. I just don’t want to lose her ever, she’s very important to me still.
This whole experience has dreged up some bad experiences from the past . I DO NOT regret anything, and I’m still incredibly happy with Cara, but in short I hate being the friend. Its happend many timesbefore, and it just plain sucks. You get close to someone, and then get slapped a step back. I’m just generealizing here. But I do think, that causes some of my lack of self confidence. But, knowing cara still wants to talk to me, helps a lot. I really truly hope we can be friend for a lifetime, cause Cara is someone you dont just throw away. I’ve never talked to anyone after I was hurt as bad I was last night. It’s still kinda weird talking to her on the phone, and even seeing Ada hug her in game. But you know what, i’ll get over it, beause I really want to be friends with cara, and I really want her to be happy.
And besides, ada has my last name….and she sure as hell would be better off in the arms of one Kennedy 
enough for now, any more and i’ll start getting tearry eyed again. peace.
