Deep Inside My Thoughts

I’ve been in this new apartment for just under a month now, and I really have a lot more to do with it.   I still haven’t fully assembled my desk, which I’m sure I broke when I broke completely when I let a piece of particle board snap in half.  My “office” is in complete disarray, as well as still being packed.  I really haven’t touched it at all.

My kitchen however is in much better shape.  I’ve got almost everything covered.  I’m missing a few kitchen essentials like a quality colander, and mostly importantly a coffee pot.  For 3 years I existed with about 5” of counter top at my old place, and while the new place is a lot bigger, the new kitchen gadgets really eat up the space.   I don’t really feel I have adequate area for prep and cooking here either.

I’ve been eating at home a LOT more.  I’ve been eating a lot of Scrambled Eggs, fried myself of course, as well as the bachelor staples of Hot Pockets and Pizza’s.  I’m liking this new Paula Dean cookware I bought, and that makes cooking at home easier.  I can’t wait to buy a roast at the meat market so I can try out my crock pot .

I’ve got curtains up in my bed room, but that’s all that I have in there.   I’m still waiting on a bed frame so I can elevate my bed off of the floor, and finally get a good night of rest.   I’m still waiting on the couch, the dining room table, as well as a dresser to go in my bedroom.  Hopefully I’ll be able to pick all of these up this weekend, and this place can truly start feeling more like a home.

Tomorrow I get to sign the lease on my new apartment.  It’s hard to believe I’ve spent three long years in a small ass studio.  I honestly don’t know how I’ve lived her for so long with so little.

When I first moved out here, everything fit in a car.  Anything that didn’t was discarded or left back in Indiana.  All these years later, I’ve acquired so much junk that it’s going to take six times as many car loads to do the deed.  And I still have to locate a truck to get a bed over there, as well as pick up a couch, table, and dresser I just purchased.

I remember the giddiness I felt driving from Indiana to Kansas.  I remember getting here, signing a lease, and sprawling out on my new floor dead tired from the 10 hour drive the day after Christmas.  I remember Danyale curled up next to me, a huge smile on her face.  I remember running to Walmart six times in one night buying house hold staples that wouldn’t fit in my car for the trip.

Three years changes a lot of things.   It’s been an emotional roller-coaster, some bad, some good, but mostly for the positive.  Tomorrow, life will continue on, but it will advance another step.  I’ll finally be able to be comfortable at my own home, not just existing.   I’ll finally have adequate room to cook and to relax.  I won’t be sleeping in the same room that I just spent six hours on the computer.  Life should be a little happier after tomorrow.

I still have a lot of cleaning left to do at the old place.  Smoking in a studio apartment for three years is disgusting.  I need to clean the blinds, clean the walls, and finally pick up a carpet cleaner to clean the carpet.  I should be mostly moved by Christmas given my casual speed, and the 10 days I have to get out.  But, I will have to run to Walmart a few times to get new stuff for the apartment.  Some things never ever change it seems.

I think I’m the happiest today than I have been in the last few months, and work tomorrow will be very long.

Work’s been stressing me out a lot lately.  This project I’m doing, that I volunteered for of all things to get out of working over night, is boring.  There’s nothing really interesting about it.  I like the contractors I’m working with, in fact, I get along pretty damn well with them, but I have no interest in it.  I’m dealing with underground conduit for beacons for some flashing lights that one day might save a few people from death, as well as huge LED message boards.  I thought it would be fun, actually having something electrical to do and inspect.   Boy I was wrong.

Very little of it is truly inspectable work.  I’ve seen enough pull boxes installed in the ground, as well as conduit trenched to make my eyes bleed.  I’ve kept up with the boredom by keeping very, very, detailed dairies of the project.  Simple jobs this size should never been more than a few paragraphs, but I stretch them into pages.   Totally a bitch to type up afterwords, but keeps me busy through out the day.

I can’t help but feel under-utilized and bored.  I’ve been looking off and on for new work, but there’s really nothing in Topeka that is a pay increase.  I’m supposed to change positions in another month or so that will net me a new theoretical title,  but not any increase.   More work for the same pay is actually an effective pay cut! I’m just very, very tired of working for the State,and looking for a way out.  I’m looking for something better, something grand.

I think I’m going to try to post daily again…I don’t use this damn thing quite like I used to ><.

Man, I never ever blog anymore.

Ahh, It’s construction season again.  No more being cooped up inside a small office, plenty of sunshine, and lots of fresh air.

Unfortunately that also means lots of sweating and sunburns.  On that last note, I still look like a damn racoon.

I just helped finished doing a Mill and Inlay of  US-24 in town.  I’m helping out right now in the Asphalt Plant for the next few days.   Then I have a concrete patching project coming up as well.   Should be interesting, since I’m lead inspector.

Overall work should be fun for the next few months, and I should bring in quite the bank working these hours.

I thought this was perhaps the funniest thing ever.  If you’re going to carve a Satanic star into yourself, at least do it right.

I used to update this quite often, I need to get back into this habit again.

This apartment is like a cell with no one else around.  I think it’s actually driving me crazy.  I keep thinking I see things moving out of the corner of my eye, and when I focus on whatever, I don’t see anything.  It makes me very uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t say its psychotic, or there’s not something actually being blown around or something, but damn it, this place does feel like a cell.  I’ve been getting out more than usual lately, but coming home to an empty house always feels like such a downer.

I miss waking up to someone next to me, I miss climbing over someone and scrambling to work.  I don’t know if I just kept Danyale around so long just to have someone else here.  There was love and attraction there, but then again, I stood by thru a lot that I shouldn’t have.  Did I put up with so much shit because of not wanting to be alone?

I really haven’t thought about her much lately.   She’s tried to contact me, and I’ve been pretty bitter and stand offish towards her.  Its not that I still don’t care for her, rather, I just can’t be with her the way she is now.  Maybe if she had a job for more than a fraction of the time we were together, things might have turned out different

I never thought of myself as the type to get into shooting a bow.  I always imagined it would be boring, repeative, and pointless.  Most of the guys at work though, are really into the damn thing, so after they kept asking me to go with them, I finally agreed to go.  I borrowed one of the guy’s wife’s bow, a top of the line model costing well over $1500, and was hooked at my first shot.  Sometimes my groupings were tight, sometimes they weren’t, but every shot seemed like it was fun, and I was concentrating more and more on hitting exactly dead center.  Two weeks after I first started shooting, I decided to get a bow myself.

Last night, I went up to Fairview,KS to an Archery Shop owned by one of my co-workers brother-in-law.  I’ve never really seen ‘downtown’ fairview, and it was damn depressing when I actually saw it.  I can’t imagine people being content and happy in small towns like these, but as far as bow shops go, the little quanit shop had me hooked.  Casey, the owner, gave me a sweet deal on a Mission bow, and I probably shot 200 shots in 4 hours while I was up there.

It wasn’t as accurate right off the back as the other bow I shot, and its a little more difficult for me to shoot, but I’m having fun with it.  For some reason, I tend to lurch when releasing, so my groups aren’t quite as tight, but as Casey showed me, it can put an arrow dead on target perfectly.  Once I learn how to shoot this specific bow, I should be having much more fun, and hope to eventually go to some of these 3D shoot I hear about at work.  My bow there would be bare minimum lowest, but I hardly think I would be too competative, and would be happy just to shoot for the fun of it.